The Graves' Yard: March 2014

I have to be honest; before I had children I couldn't imagine having little girls. The idea not only exhausted me but it also scared me. I knew if my future children were anything like me as a teenager, I'd be in big trouble. I was a back-talking, irresponsible, no-appreciation-for-my-momma teenager. I was never quite sure of myself and I was prone to a broken heart. I was terrified of enduring the same season of life that I put my mother through. I knew it would be inevitable. If I had girls, they would treat me horribly and not appreciate anything I did for them. Not only that, they would want to do cheerleading or dance and I didn't want to go through all of that again. Don't get me wrong, I loved the girls I spent my cheerleading days with, but I just didn't really enjoy the activity. I never excelled in it and I never felt comfortable with myself. So when Weslyn was born and I heard, "it's a girl" I was a little freaked out. What the heck am I going to do with a girl? I felt so much pressure to protect them as little girls with their fragile hearts but at the same time I had my guard up to not allow them to own me.

Over the last 2 and 1/2 years I've grown quite fond of my girls. The initial shock has worn off and I adore being a mom of not only one but two girls. I really can't imagine it any other way. These girls have a piece of my heart now and I'm so in love. The best part is watching Lawton love these girls. I'm so blessed they have a daddy who not only loves them with his heart but shows it too. He sacrifices for them, keeps his promises and loves their momma first. It’s amazing to watch him with his girls. As their mother, my prayer is that I'll learn from my childhood but not let parts of it "scar" me when making decisions. My fear of falling short as their mom is slowly deteriorating and I’m letting God fill in the gaps. I have faith that He will be their identity and I don’t have to feel anxious about their hearts being broken because He can pick up the pieces. So, as I embrace pink dresses, princess toys and ballet twirls I also embrace letting God guide me on this motherhood journey. I’m sure I won’t be able to dodge drama all together, but I don’t need to be afraid of history repeating itself. Having girls doesn’t have to be so terrifying, especially because girls soccer exists. Whew.