Staycation

July 4th weekend was amazing. Since the 4th landed on a Thursday, Lawton took that Friday off so he could have four days at home. Oh how I love staycations. Get some things done around the house, rest and go out for some fun. For the holiday we went to the beach with our sweet friends, the Sylvias. Heather and I have had the joy of being pregnant together through the hot summer while our toddlers wear us out. Luckily our husbands are great with the kids and love to play...so we could mostly relax on the beach;)

July 5th was our 5 year anniversary. Lawton surprised me with something sweet and thoughtful, then we went to dinner. The Houghs saved the day and took Weslyn for us for a few hours. She had the time of her life playing with their kids and going to Chick-fil-A, or as Weslyn calls it, "Chick O'lay".

Oh how lucky we are to live to close to the beach!

Did I mention we brought Kobe? We probably are never going to another
beach again after we found out that you can bring dogs to Atlantic beach. 

The dads and their girls

Here's a throwback from July 4th 2012.

Graves Family July 4th 2013. Oh my, how much 1 year can bring!

Sweet Sylvia family: Heather, Paul, Izzie and baby Isaac (bun in the oven)

Two peas in a pod

Of course Kobe joined in on all the fun. 

Mmm, Rita's. A great way to end our time at the beach!

On our way to Orsay for our 5 year anniversary. 

 We finished the weekend with going to the pool, watching movies and of course getting a few chores done around the house. Overall a wonderful staycation. Our last one as a family of four. :)

Adventures in Potty Training

Warning: If you possess a weak stomach do NOT read this post:)

What??? I know, my child is not even two and I'm daring to venture into this crazy town of a place...potty training. To be honest I really, really resisted this all together. I thought it would be much better to potty train her once she was 2 1/2 yrs and I had a 6 month old. Weslyn had different plans. Since I've been on bed rest, we've been spending a lot of time with friends so she can play the kiddos and I can sit. Most of the little girls she's been playing with all use the potty. Of course, not wanting to feel left out, Weslyn decided she wanted to use it too. She started waking up dry in the morning and for naps so it was hard for me to turn down her request when she would ask to use the potty. We started on Saturday. I knew I needed Lawton with me so the weekend worked the best for us. We got a portable potty that we could move from room to room and we stripped her down to just a t shirt. The morning of day one was...messy. A couple of "pee pee" accidents, but before her nap she started to get the hang of it. By the end of that day she had several number 1's and a couple of number 2's all in the potty. Let me tell you the anxiety that comes along with a potty training adventure. For me, it's like getting through a haunted house. I'm extremely nervous at first, on high alert. By the time an accident occurs it's like someone has jumped out at you and a bunch of panic takes over. Once the accidents were over and she started using the potty I felt like, ok this isn't so bad, I can do this. 

We're on day 5 and she has made huge strides. She had some number 2 issues, which I'm told many kids will have, so that helped us get through it along with a lot of prayer. Yeah, we got through our daughter pooing on the floor. That's right, on the floor. Oh my, she was so upset and we really had to hold back the laughter. We knew it was all apart of the process, but for her...utter disappointment with poo on her fingers. Poor girl. Luckily by the next day she successfully did her number 2 business on the potty again. Good thing, because I was almost ready to turn this ship around. The encouraging thing is that everyone I talk to says Weslyn is doing great. It's only been 5 days and she is already used to being without a diaper. It's nice to know I'll have a little bit of a break between washing diapers.

Did I also mention that during this time she has also dropped using a paci? Not really on purpose, more on accident. We were spending the day at a friend's house and before we left I couldn't find her paci anywhere. She had been weaning off of it, so I figured we would see how her nap went without it. She went to sleep for her nap and that night without, so in the trash it went. Good thing because it was becoming a wrangled mess since we had been snipping off small parts of it in order to wean her.

Needless to say the last 5 days have been a roller coaster of emotions. As happy as I am that Weslyn is making great strides to being a "big girl" I'm still a little sad that she's not a teeny tiny baby anymore. Oh well, we'll be graced with the presence of another baby soon enough so I'll enjoy this little toddler as much as possible, poo on the floor and all;)

Always very happy after she does her business.
She yells, "I did it! Yay fruit snacks!"
Those were her rewards after using the potty. 

Being home bound for days means lots of coloring,
dressing up and racing around the house.
She decided to get out all of daddy's ski  wear.

This is what everyone's house looks like during this process, right?
Just keeping it real people.

The playroom isn't as bad. 

Ahh, the mangled paci. This is right before I tossed it. Yay.

Love this girl. She's going to be a terrific big sister!

Impressionable.

Weslyn has certainly developed quite the personality since turning 1 year old. Now at 22 months, she is talking all the time, vocalizing some strong opinions and learning from everything and everyone around her. I've slowly noticed how much she wants to be like me. She wants to wear lotion, put hairspray in her hair, wear high heels (which I own but no longer really wear), put on my pearls, wear my scarves, etc. Anything I do and anything I own, she wants to do it and wants to have it. This behavior has been adorable and flattering. Lawton and I get such a kick out of her playing dress up and wanting to be involved in all things mommy and daddy. It hit me recently though that with this cute behavior comes some huge responsibility on our part, especially mine. As the mother of a daughter, she is watching my every move and wants to model after it. That my friends is a whole lot of pressure.

Our children are impressionable. Extremely impressionable. They are like sponges and whatever is put in front of them, they are soaking up. They are building their character, self-image and values in life. They are forming opinions about the world, themselves, people and God. The words that comes out of our mouths and the things we do are being watched all the time. This is definitely not a call to perfection, but a call to intention. Are we being intentional about what we present to our children or any children around us? We are trying to make this world a "better place" right now, but are we really looking to make our world better if we aren't looking at the children and our own behavior? Whew, that's a lot to take in as a mom who is with a child all day long.

My prayer is not only for my child, but for all the kids I serve and I'm around that I can make a lasting impression on them that helps shape and mold them to be a loving person. A person who loves God and people. All people. I only know one way to do this, to strive to live out the gospel everyday. The perfect example, the person who made the best impression on everyone lived and died for love. The love He had for us. Before He made that sacrifice, He lived out the example in perfect form. He knew we were impressionable creatures, especially our children. Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” In other words, kids go to Jesus when figuring out who you want to be. Parents, point to Jesus when your children are trying to figure out their lives. Christians, follow Jesus and strive to be like Him. If this is your intention, you're making the best impression for the little lives around you who are our world's future. Your intention is love.

Like I said, it's been fun to watch Weslyn develop and grow into her personality. She's a firecracker for sure.  Loves to tumble around, play dress up, put stickers on everything and is such a little helper. As she develops and grows, she's  looking at everything and everyone around her to figure out who she wants to be and what she wants to do. Help me Lord to point to You. If I point the Him, I know I'm pointing to love. 

Two Is Better Than One.

The last couple of weeks have been a mix of emotions and challenges for the Graves household. I must confess (not that it comes as a surprise to people who know me) I'm very independent, almost to a fault. I enjoy completing tasks and I find a sense of pride in doing things on my own. I like finding the best way to do something and finishing it out with my own two hands. Being a stay-at-home mom has only fueled this independence. I get to set my own rules, be the boss and take care of little people. Oh, this is where I find comfort. The Lord recently gave me a huge wake up call after getting out of the hospital two weeks ago. "You're on light bed rest. You can get up to go to the bathroom, take a shower and do some things...but no long trips or strenuous activities." To which I responded, "Does taking care of a toddler, grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning my house, etc count as strenuous activities?" "Yes."

That one word would soon be the death of my prideful independence. How am I supposed live my life if I can't do any of those things? You mean, I have to ask for help? I'm usually the one being asked to help and to be honest I love that. I told my doctor, it may literally drive me crazy to ask for that much help. She literally didn't care. I wasn't allowed to keep up with what I was doing if I wanted to keep this baby in the cooker. So I set out to begin asking for help from my hospital bed. Calling on family, my church and friends to come help. Having people help with Weslyn while I was in a hospital bed wasn't too bad. I really couldn't take care of her as I was hooked up to monitors, so I felt like I had a good excuse. When I got out of the hospital, that was a whole new ball game. We've had people in and out of the house, bringing meals, taking care of Weslyn, not letting me do much. Not to mention what my husband has done. He has been dad, mom, house cleaner, cook, etc for two weeks now. He doesn't stop until he's ready for bed. This has been the hardest. We've worked so much in our marriage to help each other at all times, we've never been in the place where one person was making all the effort. At the end of my rope, the Lord beckoned me to slow down and realize what He was doing through one of my devotions.

"Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble." Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 

Whittney Capps wrote the devotion "I Am Not Alone" a couple days ago and it pierced my prideful, independent heart. The Lord was really showing me that my resistance to rely on help from others was a direct reflection of how I rely on Him, which apparently is not enough. Ouch. The only time I felt true peace and freedom to rely on the Lord's strength was when all the control was out of my hands in the hospital. I tried to take back the reigns when I got out, but thankfully He kept them. My prayer is that He continues to keep them and when I take them back, I have the wisdom to realize what I'm doing and the courage to give them back (thanks, Andy Stanley). 

I'm so thankful for these people the Lord has used in our lives throughout this process. Grateful for the prayers, meals, company, books, netflix, text messages, cleaning, cooking, the help. I'm truly blessed, not only with this help, but to have the reminder from a God who loves me so that He will be my strength. Not just in the times when there's nothing else I can do. I can choose for Him to be my strength and support in any circumstance. Thank you Lord.

Here are some photos of just some of the help we've received. This doesn't even include meals, weekend baby sitting from friends, long phone calls (thanks, Charlie), sweet text messages, gifts, visits to the hospital, etc. 

Coloring with Gabby, Ellie and Izzie.

Playing the piano at Heather & Izzie's house

Playdoe at the Houghs

Pool with Gigi. Stylin' in Gigi's hat.

Spent the day with Jennifer & Heidi

Daddy always taking care of everyone.

Emo came in town for three days to take care of us.

Spent the day with Janie, Annabelle and Vivian.

Lots of days and evenings with Gigi and G'daddy. 

Thanks to all:)

Desert Song

This is a song near and dear to my heart. When I was in high school I began attending a youth group at a local church that was used to change my life. The friends, mentors and best of all the good news I discovered at Oneighty @ Grace Family Church certainly had a life long affect on me and my relationship with Jesus. Another aspect that I've always been thankful for was the music that so ministered to my heart. Throughout my relationship with Jesus, I've always been able to turn on a song about Him and it has helped change my heart in that given moment to be closer to Him. I think everyone has a different way that God has wired them to be present and connect with Him. Mine has always been through music. It gives me the words to praise Jesus. For me, songs about the Lord often bring scripture to life and give me a way to praise Him.

Desert Song has ministered to me for years in more than one way.I first heard this song at Oneighty when Chantal, a beautiful and talented worship leader who is now with Jesus, sang it for a group of broken, confused and thirsty teenagers. No matter where I've been in my life, this song has really taken all of the emotion I feel and can't make sense of and uses it for His good. This song first ministered to me when my father passed away in high school. Then in college when I couldn't figure out the path God had me on. Then after the birth of my first child when I went through many of us moms call "baby blues". And now, as I sit in a hospital bed and have doctors and nurses monitor the baby in my belly. As I listen to a doctor tell me news that vary from having a completely healthy child all the way to the possible complications I could have at any moment. All I can think of throughout this process is I will bring praise.

This song has ministered to me in many situations, which I felt at the time were extremely difficult, but this time I feel even more of a need to lean into the words of this song. It's more than a song. It's a prayer and a plea. A proclamation bringing me out of my emotional, broken and confused state to a place where I find peace, security and strength. All of my life in every season, you are still God. I have a reason to sing. I have a reason to worship. Blessed beyond words can express, this baby is healthy right now and the environment he or she is in is safe. They say I should be able to go home soon since things are looking much better. Even if that changes I hope my prayer will continue to be that I will bring praise, I will bring praise. No weapon formed against me shall remain. I will rejoice, I will declare. God is my victory and He is here.

              "Desert Song" (listen here)
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me, Lord, through the flame

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

Good Mom, Bad Mom

This is the game I play with myself on a daily basis. Am I good mom right now, or bad mom? I say "right now" because it's something that can change by the minute. Each activity we do and choice I make, I feel like I'm in a constant state of confusion and uncertainty of who I am at that given moment. Good mom or bad mom? Am I a good mom if I don't let my kid watch too much tv, or is it no tv at all? Or am I a good mom if I let myself get some things done around the house, so I let her watch some tv? Am I a bad mom if I send my barely two year old daughter to mother's morning out 1 morning a week, or am I a bad mom if I keep her to myself and fail to subject her to socialization? Am I a bad mom if I eat chick-fil-a while I'm pregnant (which I'm doing at this very moment) or am I a good mom who is modeling food choice moderation to her toddler? Ok, that one is probably a stretch, but you get the picture. This is all very grey and grey can leave me in a state of stress.

I've never felt more confused with any other job. I pride myself on being a pretty rational and logically thinking female. I like to think it's a trait my husband values and probably a big reason why he fell in love with me. However, when it comes to being a mom, I often throw logic and rationale out the window and allow my mind  to play some evils tricks on my self-worth. There are no right answers, no matter what the other moms in your play group say. Yes, they all have a lot of opinions, but none of them can show me evidence or proof that many of the decisions we make as mothers has a 100% guarantee that our kids will end up a certain way. We make choices about tv, food, cleaning products, schools, slings, epidurals, church, using the word "no", cry it out, swaddles, dating, friends, and every other possible decision we can think of with the hope they will turn out a certain way. Smarter, happier and healthier, right? I think in return we are  making ourselves more confused, upset and a little nutty.

I have a strong belief that this is an attack on moms in particular. It's not exclusive to moms only, but I see it more in females. Strong, confident women who suddenly become defensive, prideful and insecure when it comes to one area...parenting. The guilt of making horrible choices hangs over us like a cloud for years. How do we stop it? How do we end the cycle and finally come to the conclusion that what is not "ok" for one family might be "ok" for another? How do we stop comparing our family to other families and our children to other children?

For myself and my family, I've come to the conclusion that every choice I make, big or small, needs to involve Jesus' guidance, peace and love for me. Even myself as a logical, educated family therapist cannot base my parenting decisions solely on scholarly research articles and expert authors with all confidence. I surely cannot allow all  my self-worth to be wrapped up in the findings of a few studies done back in the 90's or in the opinion of my friend's cousin's friend whose kid went to a public school one time and is now in jail. The only confidence I have is in Jesus. I can have all the opinions I want and I can listen to the opinions of others, but the only one that really needs to matter in my house is His. His conviction and his peace. I've never been able to give out therapeutic assistance without His help (Sorry if some of you feel gypped). Why would I not involve Him on all my decisions as a mom? Why would I not allow His opinion and truth to over rule all others? It's a tricky game, so I'm done with good mom, bad mom. I'm done with allowing what another mom is doing to leave me insecure. My hope is for His grace and mercy to rule over my heart and my confidence as a mother. I need to listen to the still small voice in my heart that says, "You're doing just fine, Sarah. Just follow me." Finally I can be free to jam out to Fleetwood Mac every now and then instead of listening to Elmo for the 1, 548, 909th time (yes, I'm 28 and I jam out to Stevie). I pray I can lean into His love more often than the parenting books I read which tell me no matter what, I'll probably fail. There is hope in Him. My self worth and hope for my children to be smarter, happier and healthier lies in Him alone.

23 1/2 weeks, baby #2

Today I felt the urge to post about my experience so far with baby #2. Fortunately, I only had the typical 1st trimester sickness that most women get. Since then, I've felt fine. Most days I forget I'm pregnant  until the end of the day when my back is aching. I've been able to keep up with most activities and I can still carry Weslyn around on my hip. Overall, I feel really great and blessed to be pregnant with our second child. Everything is as healthy as can be and the pregnancy is going by very quickly! Of course I don't take nearly as many "belly" photos as I did with my first, for two reasons. 1. I forget how many weeks along I am...all the time. So I end up not even taking pictures. 2. I don't have the overwhelming desire as I did w/ my first pregnancy to document every time my belly grew. Mostly because this time around I get a lot of  "are you due soon?" to which I reply, "no, I have the WHOLE summer to go." I feel the immediate urge to tell people it's my 2nd pregnancy and yes I do exercise. ha! Isn't it funny how people talk to pregnant women? I've never experienced so many people needing to give me advice or assume my due date just by looking at my belly. It's funny how many experts are out there...who have never been pregnant and are not obgyns:)

This is my post to pregnant ladies. The ones who get really rude comments and advice from all kinds of people. Let me tell you, ladies, ignore these comments and put on your best smile. Don't give them another moment of your energy and don't explain yourself. You are carrying life inside of you!Whether you are working full time or taking care of your 1, 2 or 3+ children, you really don't have time or energy to put into caring about all the comments or advice. So be proud of yourself every day that you get up and carry on throughout your day without having a hormonal breakdown . Be proud of yourself when you get out of bed to take care of your children while carrying a bowling ball in your stomach. Be proud of yourself every time you refrain from punching someone in the face for the ridiculous things that come out of their mouth. Most of all, be proud of how God is using you to carry the little life inside of you. The comments and advice are only distractions from what you need to be focusing on, providing safety and good health to that little life. Don't get caught up in your insecurities. You. Are. Pregnant. You can't really trust your emotions right now. Relax and enjoy this time in your life. You won't always be in the season when you're constantly pregnant. One day your children will be grown, graduating high school, getting married, having children of their own. Treasure this time when it's appropriate to give your children your undivided attention. One day it won't be necessary or wanted:) Ignore the distractions and focus on that little life you hold and the little lives in your home.

 I'm going to start treasuring this time I have with baby #2. I've learned that time flies way too fast. Before you know it that bowling ball turns into a walking, talking toddler. Proof below.

38 weeks pregnant with Weslyn. Bowling ball.

Newborn Weslyn. 

Walking, talking toddler, Weslyn. Goes by too fast.

So here's to being 23 1/2 weeks pregnant and looking like I could pop at any moment!

23 1/2 weeks pregnant w/ baby #2.